Magic Tricks
by VeniVediViceroy
Summary: Harry Dresden's never had a case handed to him from the White Council, especially not one that required him to go undercover as a high school teacher in Japan. However, this case is an important one- protect a girl with godlike powers from being used by the enemies of the White Council. Too bad Haruhi Suzumiya might end up driving Harry up the wall with her antics...
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: This takes place between Small Favor and Turn Coat, and around the start of the first volume of the Haruhi Suzumiya series)

It's not often that I get a case directly from the White Council, but when they come knocking you at least ask them what they want.

Even if what they want is you posing as a teacher at a Japanese high school.

The case came in out of nowhere- Anastasia called me at 11 o'clock at night saying that I was headed off to Kobe, Japan to keep an eye out for supernatural activity. And that was it- no further detail, no reason why, no nothing. It had taken me a week to perfect a translator spell and bind it to a ring. Then there was saying my goodbyes, making sure that Mister and Mouse would be taken care of, contacting the folks on Paranet to hold up the fort while I was gone, and explaining to Murphy that if something strange was in her neighborhood, she couldn't call me this time. There had better be something damn interesting going on to justify putting me on a long-ass boat ride to the Land of the Rising Sun.

I'd settled into the small- and hell's bells do I mean small- apartment they set up for me and immediately set up wards. There was absolutely no threshold here and if the White Council was sending me to investigate then there was good reason to be cautious. Probably.

Because I would raise a lot of hell if there wasn't.

After the wards went up, the arduous task of unpacking began. First came my clothes, then my implements, my books and...

"Konichiwa, Dresden-san." said an obnoxiously familiar voice. I groaned. "Dammit, Bob, how the hell did you-"

"I asked Molly to slip me into your luggage." said Bob. "She did it in a heartbeat."

"Only because it meant not having to deal with you whenever she's practicing." I remarked, glaring at the skull. "How you managed to keep quiet the entire ship ride is beyond me." "As are a bunch of other things." quipped Bob.

I turned my glare up to eleven. "I've got lesson plans to review. You be quiet, I'll find a paperback for you tomorrow." The skull went silent as I lit a candle and pored over the lesson plans I'd been provided, the translator spell helping my brain make the switch between English and Japanese. Didn't make it any less mentally exhausting, though. After an hour of going over the lesson plan for tomorrow, I felt like I'd just run the mental equivalent of a marathon. I rested my head against the desk, and the next thing I knew my wind-up alarm clock was going off.

I swore under my breath and quickly changed my clothes. "I'm late for school. I'm 35 years old and I'm late for school." I laughed bitterly at the strangeness of the situation, putting on my duster- yeah, it would make me stick out like a bad zit on picture day, but me without my jacket is like Indy without his hat. It just doesn't look right.

I hoofed it all the way to the school, hoping not to get my wizard ass fired on the first day.

The class was abuzz with chatter when I reached Class 1-5's door. But everyone went silent the moment I walked through said door. "Alright, class." I said, speaking in Japanese. "My name is Harry Dresden, and I'm your teacher for the time being. Now, when I call your name, say 'here'."

The class went on as normal (or, what I thought would be normal for the class) after that. However, one of the students seemed to hold my attention: a brunette girl with a yellow ribbon in her hair who sat at the back of the class by the window. There was something odd about her and I couldn't put my finger on it. But I didn't dare See her, using my Sight in the middle of a crowded room was incredibly risky. When the end-of-class bell rang, I decided I could hang around to get a better grip on what was hogging my attention. She was talking to the brown-haired boy that sat in front of her excitedly- odd, considering how she'd been stern looking, almost angry when she was in class. I wish I could cheer up that quickly. Heaven knows it would help after seeing...after seeing what happened on that island. Knowing that I was the cause of it. I shuddered, pushing the thought aside. The girl suddenly bolted out of her chair and ran up to me. "Mr. Dresden!" shouted the girl, leaning on my desk. "That's my name, don't wear it out." I said. "Something you need?"

The boy strolled up behind her, looking at me apologetically, like he believed this girl was being a nuisance to me. The girl gave me a beaming smile. "We want to start a club and in order to do that we need a teacher to sponsor it." "What kind of club are you talking about?" I asked. "Glee club? Science club? Arkanos player's group?" "SOS Brigade!" said the girl cheerfully.

I probably looked like a total idiot because I had no clue what the hell an SOS Brigade was. "Is that a club for Morse code enthusiasts?" I asked, feeling like a moron. The girl's cheerful look suddenly changed into a cold stare of disapproval. I was amazed by how she could change moods like the wind changed directions- all over the place, and yet always in your face. "The Spreading Excitement all Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade is dedicated to finding aliens, time travelers, espers and sliders and have fun with them."

Now I was really clueless. Aliens? Time travelers? That sounded absurd, and this is coming from a wizard who's met valkyries and has an incubus in his family tree. "I-I'm not sure what those last two things are but there's no such thing as aliens or time travelers."

She looked me square in the eye and I immediately looked down. There was no way I was going to do a soulgaze after what I just went through on the island - I didn't need to transfer my emotional baggage to my students, nor explain the spontaneous mind meld. "Look, there's just no interesting clubs here." she said firmly. "It's all run-of-the-mill and boring. Where's the excitement?"

I had to hold my tongue there. I liked boring. When you see the shit I've seen, you start to crave the run-of-the-mill.

"Even if I were to get behind this club of yours, I just got here. I don't have the authority to officialize your club." I said, holding my hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just a foreign guy in a weird coat, not a miracle worker." That was probably the most bald-faced lie I've ever told. The boy decided to speak up. "Haruhi, look, Mr. Dresden's got a point. Maybe you should ask someone with seniority?" So her name was Haruhi. I filed that away in my head, under 'Kinda Shifty'. Haruhi glared at the boy. "Who's side are you on, Kyon?"

Kyon? What kind of name is that? I felt bad for the guy.

Kyon sighed, rubbing his forehead and suddenly reminding me of Murphy. I could practically smell the exasperation he was feeling and decided to do him, as they said on the streets back in the 80's, 'a solid'.

"I'll see what I can do, Miss-" (I glanced at the student roster) "- Suzumiya." She beamed again. "Thank you!"

With that, she was off and Kyon plodded behind her. Wow, that kid must be really whipped.

I packed up my materials and was half way back to the apartment when I felt something hostile. Cold dread filled my stomach as I tensed up, cursing my decision to leave my blasting rod at the apartment. Suddenly I could feel a rush of wind that felt solid- razor sharp, even- come from behind and whiz by me and narrowly miss me. I turned to see my attacker- a dirty brown weasel the size of a small horse, sickle-like blades poking out from its fur in various locations. The weasel-thing's beady black eyes glinted with keen malice as it slinked towards me, keeping its body low to the ground. I felt bad for whoever worked construction in this town as I pulled out my pentagram amulet. "Forzare!"

A pulse of raw force burst from my amulet and rushed down the alley the thing lurked in like an invisible cannonball. The weasel-thing suddenly picked up speed, jumping to the side and briefly skittered along the wall of a building until the spell had passed. Stars and stones, this bastard was fast. The weasel-thing made a shrill chittering sound before lunging at me, wind blowing around it as it glided towards me. I grit my teeth as I kept my amulet held aloft. "Riflettum!" A shield of energy sprung to life, and the monster collided with it in mid-air. I smirked, feeling triumphant-

-and a brutal pain flared across my back. I turned my head to see that I was being flanked by a 7-foot tall, red-skinned, burly humanoid with a mane of silvery-white hair and only a ratty-looking loincloth to call casual attire. The brute reeked of body odor so foul I thought my nostrils were about to atrophy and die. The only way to describe that horrid smell would be as a mix of runny dog shit and crusty gym socks. In other words, it was capital 'R' Revolting. I gagged, training my amulet on the red stink-factory. "V-vento Servitas!" I choked out. A gust of air barrelled at the giant, but harmlessly blew around him. The brute smiled viciously, giving me a glimpse of its yellowed, jagged fangs. The thing lunged, and fortunately for me it wasn't as fast as its weasel buddy-

Hey wait a minute. Where did that damn weasel go?

My question was immediately answered by a fast-flying monster just barely missing my neck with its blades. The weasel hit the ground and rolled, then got back up, glaring at me intently. I growled. "I haven't got time for this shit..." I huffed. I held my amulet to the sky, amassing as much willpower as I could before shouting. "Igneus Imber!" A massive ball of flame shot upward before splitting into a flurry of smaller fireballs and raining back down on the monsters. The monsters shrieked madly in pain, and melted away into a foul-smelling black slime that didn't look to different from tar. I shuddered and decided to hurry home. Maybe this change of scenery was justified...


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing I did when I got back was pick Bob's nonphysical brain about the weasel and the red brute that came after me. "A kamaitachi and an oni? Attacking you as a team? Evil's still not up to a meter, Harry."

I stared at the spirit-bearing skull blankly. "...bwuh?"

Bob's eye sockets flickered like he was rolling his eyes. The way he managed to have no face and yet be so emotive was astounding. "Evil doesn't know the metric system, it's afoot? C'mon, don't you remember that exchange from way back - look, forget the metric, something stinks here, and for once it's not your cologne."

"Now wait a minute," I said defensively. "That was a Christmas present from Ebenezar."

"Proof that his sniffer's snuffed." quipped Bob. "But back to things being stinky- kamaitachi and oni are exclusive-"

"As opposed to polygamist?" I asked with the most smartass tone of voice humanly possible.

The lights in Bob's eye sockets narrowed. "I'm talkin' here! Kamaitachi and oni don't work together, hell they barely make contact with one another. I'm calling shenanigans."

"Well, who exactly is trying to get me shenaniganed?" I asked.

"How should I know?" asked Bob. "Besides- if I had could instantly figure out whodunnit, I'd be the detective."

I grumbled, rubbing my temples. "If the Black Council has agents in Japan, I swear I'm gonna burn someone's face off...hell's bells, this is going to be a shitty school year."

Sleep didn't come easy, but it found me all the same. I would have appreciated it if sleep hadn't arrived only 2 hours before my alarm rang, but beggars couldn't be choosers. When I stepped into my classroom, I found a very angry, very heavyset woman in an ugly dark-purple business suit glaring at me. "Let me guess, you're a new student." I deadpanned. The woman huffed. "Dresden, I expect you to send your attendance reports to the secretarial staff! Why in blazes didn't you email yesterday's attendance in?"

"I don't exactly do well with computers. Besides, I personally handed an attendance sheet to the staff."

The woman scoffed. "This wouldn't have happened if you weren't computer illiterate, Mr. Dresden." I felt indignation welling up in my gut, . It wasn't my damn fault that technology and magic went together like phosphorus and water. I just held my tongue and forced a smile. "If you'd like, I could bring you the attendance sheets." I said. "Do what you must, Dresden-san."

Wait, where did that honorific come from-

"Just jikan ni those shusseki shiito in submit kakuninshitekudasai."

Goddammit, I just couldn't catch a break. My translator spell must have run out of power earlier than I thought it would. A gut feeling told me that this was going to be a difficult day for me. As the lady walked off, I immediately began formulating a quick-and-dirty version of the translation spell that would get me through the school day and until I could make a stronger version of said spell that would last more than 2 days. However, I was interrupted by Kyon arriving early, holding a piece of paper. "Ne, Doresuden-sensei-"

I kind of tuned out after that. Maybe it was how my name was pronounced without the translator interpreting it for me, but I suddenly felt no desire to puzzle out what Kyon was saying. Besides, he was waving a sheet with a dotted line on it. Couldn't be some Fae contract. I just nodded along to what he said and signed off on...whatever the hell it was.

I managed to renew the translation spell during lunch break, despite having to do it in a bathroom stall.

As I was packing up my things, Haruhi walked up to my desk. "Mr. Dresden! You're gonna come to the club meeting, right?"

I gave the girl a blank stare in reply. "What are you talking about? I thought I told you I couldn't do anything about it." Haruhi glared. "You're joking, right? You signed this, stating you'd be the club supervisor." She held out the piece of paper that Kyon had brought to me earlier and this time I took a better look at it. Sure enough, I'd signed on to supervise her club instead of using the time trying to figure out why the gruesome twosome of kamaitachi and oni jumped me last evening. So this is how the Native Americans felt when they were forced out of their homelands. I didn't see any point of arguing- hell, might as well play the part of teacher if I'm gonna take the role. "Alright, alright." I said with a sigh as I stood.

Apparently, this 'SOS Brigade'- ridiculous name, by the way- met in what used to be the literary club's room. Since there was only 1 person in the literary club and due to how the school had a 5-person minimum for clubs, it meant the literary club was on the butcher block. That one member's name was Yuki Nagato, a petite, purple (?) haired girl with glasses who talked in total monotone. She said she was fine with Haruhi using the room for her and Kyon (who I suspect didn't want to be involved) to use as the clubroom. At first, I was alright with Haruhi doing...whatever she was doing. I could just show up and not really do much. Then the next member joined and I saw just what kind of person Haruhi was.

The first clue was when she burst in. "Sorry I'm late!" she said cheerfully "It took me so long 'cuz it took me forever to catch her!" I did a double take and realized she had someone by the wrist: a doe-eyed, scared-looking girl with reddish-brown hair.

"W-what is this? Why am I here? Who are you people, anyway?" whimpered the girl, and I suddenly felt my Responsible Adult (TM) instincts booting up.

"Allow me to introduce our newest member, Mikuru Asahina!" announced Haruhi, wrapping an arm around the poor girl. "Where'd you kidnap her from?" snarked Kyon. I was about to ask the same question, albeit a bit more seriously. "I didn't kidnap her, she came here on her own!" protested Haruhi, spouting what I believed to be some serious bullshit. "Hey, what grade is she in?" I interjected. "She's a junior." replied Haruhi. "Sooo...why did you recruit her?" I asked. Haruhi laughed as if I'd asked the most obvious question ever.

"Look at her! She's a total cutie!" answered Haruhi. Is it wrong to say that the first thing to cross my mind was 'Haruhi is probably a White Court vampire'? Because for a fleeting moment I thought she was a succubus and she was going to feed off of Mikuru. Then I remembered White Court vamps had the aura of seduction, something Haruhi (thankfully) seemed to lack.

"...are you serious?" I asked in total deadpan. Haruhi just smiled at me.

"In this situation, moe is an important concept to keep in mind!" said Haruhi. For a second I thought my translator spell had died on me again. Then Kyon spoke up to disprove my concerns. Actually, shouted up would be more accurate. "Moe?! What are you thinking, this is some kind of maid cafe?!"

Haruhi put a finger on her chin and mulled that over. "Y'know, that's not a bad idea..." she said, much to Kyon's visible shock. I felt so goddamn lost and needed answers. "Uh...forgive my obliviousness to Japanese culture, but as a very confused American I have to ask: what on Earth is a 'moe'? And while I'm asking, what's a maid cafe?"

Kyon groaned and made like Picard: apply hand directly to forehead. Haruhi, one the other hand, lit up like the Rockefeller Plaza Christmas Tree as she explained moe and maid cafes. Suffice to say that I'd rather give Marcone the keys to my house than let Bob ever, ever get near a maid cafe. To let Bob near such a perverted facility would likely be the end of the world as we know it. At least, the end of any world I'd want to live in. I must have been looking pretty bad because Kyon scolded Haruhi. "Dammit, Haruhi, you broke Mr. Dresden!"

I shook myself back into lucidity. "Haruhi, I'm gonna say this once. Mikuru is not to used as a pin-up girl-mascot hybrid. Do you understand?" Haruhi rolled her eyes and huffed. "Yes, sir..." she grumbled with as much attitude she could muster and reminding me of Murphy in an entirely different way.

Tiny but fierce. Haruhi practically steals the title from Murphy and wears it around like a crown. "Mr. Dresden, there's still a problem-even with Mikuru, we don't have enough members to be a club." said Kyon "Why do you think we're called the SOS Brigade?" interjected Haruhi. "Doesn't matter what it's called, we're still not meeting the requirements!" countered Kyon. Haruhi rolled her eyes. "That's because all the interesting people don't know we're here! The espers, the time travellers and all those cool people don't know we want to meet them." Despite not buying into Haruhi's let's hang with weird people plan, I decided to give her some benefit of the doubt, namely because I myself was one of the weird people. "We'll give it time." I said over their raised voices. "If you build it, they will come." Haruhi beamed brightly.

And my Sight was forced open.

I have no idea how my Sight was suddenly opened up, but it was like having your eyelids being opened up by an annoying roommate who wanted to wake you up...if said annoying roommate was pointing the fucking Sun at your eye while he did it. I couldn't see much of Haruhi's physical form or outline in the massive amount of lights that surrounded her. There was a chaotic jumble of colored streams of light that swirled around her, intertwining and thrashing around like a visual representation of a loud rock concert spliced with a fireworks display. It was incredible to look at, but hell's bells it hurt. I could hear an echoing, distant, indistinct voice calling out to me.

"Mr. Dresden can you hear me"

I tried to close my Sight back up, but it was like my third eye was refusing to listen, like it wanted to keep staring at the colors and the lights until it went blind.

"Mr. Dresden are you alright"

I struggled and struggled until finally my Sight closed.

"Mr. Dresden, do we need to take you to a hospital?" asked Kyon's anxious voice.

I must have fallen over while my Sight was going crazy. I managed to get back up on my feet. "Yeah, just a little tired." I lied, brushing myself off. "Maybe we should call it a day." Kyon nodded in agreement, and Haruhi looked a bit frightened too as she adjourned the meeting. All the way home, all I could think was what the hell had happened.

I got home and Bob took eyelights flicked at at me. "Cripes, Harry, you're white as a sheet. Teaching a bunch of teenagers can't be that bad."

"I Saw something, Bob." I answered, hands shaking as I took off my shoes. "Capital 'S' saw." "Why are you using your Sight?" he asked. "Were you attacked?" "My Sight was forced open." I said quietly.

The lights in Bob's eye sockets went narrow with shock. "Holy shit." whispered Bob, sounding terrified. "My thoughts exactly." I said. "I need to talk to the Council."

Anastasia picked up after my call got through to her. (As a quick aside, finding a rotary phone in Japan's a bitch, trust me.) "Hello?"

"Anastasia, I've got some questions. Does the name Haruhi Suzumiya hold any meaning for you?" There was a long confirming pause before Anastasia answered. "I was hoping it would take you longer. How much did you find out about her?"

"I accidentally used Wizard's Sight on her- something about her must've forced it open." I said, trying not to be angry. The Council told me this was a mission to keep my ear to the ground. What the hell did they really want. Anastasia sighed. "I didn't want to hide the facts from you. I thought you would have done better if you started off knowing."

"Knowing what?" I snapped, my temper flaring. "It's a long story." said Anastasia, sounding hurt. A twinge of shame hit me and I took a deep breath. "I'll sit down then," I said softly. "I've got nothing planned for tonight."

"It was three years ago when we learned of Suzumiya's existence. There was a massive pulse of energy that originated from her."

"How massive are we talking?" "The Merlin has never even come close to putting out that kind of power."

"...hell's bells." I said breathlessly. "So how come Japan didn't get vaporized?" I asked. "The energy didn't stay in the physical world- it hit time itself. Warlocks who were violating the Sixth Law couldn't go back in time beyond the event. And then there were these short-lived pocket dimensions showing up out of nowhere that would quickly be taken down by someone who willing walked in to the closed space and did who-knows-what to the place. The whole universe changed, Dresden, and all signs pointed to Suzumiya as the cause."

I felt like someone had just sucker punched me in the gut. "So you're saying Haruhi Suzumiya's able to alter reality?" I asked. Bob's eyelights dimmed and he made a nervous yelping sound. "And here's the kicker," said Anastasia. "It looks like she doesn't know about it. To her knowledge, she's just a normal human-"

"-who wants to hang out with aliens, time travellers and other types like that." I added. I heard Ana mutter a few words that my translator wasn't set to translate, but I made a guess that they weren't polite ones "Are you serious?" she asked.

"Like Canis Major." I deadpanned. "So why am I the one teaching her homeroom?"

"The Merlin thinks that people are going to try and use Haruhi for their own agendas- the Red Court in particular."

That prospect scared the everloving shit out of me. If the Red Court turned Haruhi, they'd be in control of a reality bending girl who could probably just will the White Council out of existence. Or turn the White and Black courts to the Red side. Hell, they could probably bend the Outsiders to their will.

"And the White Council wants me to bodyguard her?" I asked weakly. "I-I don't think I can handle this one..."

"You have to try, Harry." said Anastasia. "As it is, there's no sign of the Courts knowing about Haruhi." I swallowed nervously. "Let's hope it stays that way." I said. "Talk to you later." I hung up and took a seat, wishing I was in McAnally's Pub because I needed a freaking drink. There was a heavy silence for a half of a minute.

"Sooooo...God's a Japanese school girl?" asked Bob. I thought about that and laughed. "Michael would blow a gasket if he found out about this."


End file.
